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THE GOOD BEER-DRINKER'S GUIDE

SYMPTOM FAULT ACTION
Beer unusually pale and tasteless Glass empty Get someone to buy you another beer
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights You have fallen over backwards Have yourself lashed to bar
Mouth contains cigarette butts You have fallen forwards See above
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face Retire to the Gents, practice in mirror
Feet cold and wet Glass being held at incorrect angle Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
Feet warm and wet Improper bladder control Stand next to nearest dog and complain about its house training
Floor blurred You are looking through bottom of empty glass Get someone to buy you another beer
Floor moving You are being carried out Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Room seems unusually dark Bar has closed Confirm home address with bartender
Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations Cover mouth


mb21 by Mike Brown
Hosted by Astrohosts

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