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McDONNELL DOUGLAS CUSTOMER CARE

The following questionnaire was put on a page of the McDonnell Douglas Internet site by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...

AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES

Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase.

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration form below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. Personal Details
Title:
First Name:
Initial:
Last Name:
Password:
Code Name:
Latitude, Longitude:
Altitude: ft.
2. Aircraft details
Which model aircraft did you purchase:
F-14 Tomcat
F-15 Eagle
F-16 Falcon
F-117A Stealth
Classified
Date of Purchase: 
Month: Date: Year:
Serial no:
Please check where this product was purchased:
Received as gift/aid package
Catalog showroom
Sleazy arms broker
Mail order
Discount store
Government surplus
Classified
4.  Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased: Heard loud noise, looked up
Store display
Espionage
Recommended by friend/relative/ally
Political lobbying by manufacturer
Was attacked by one
5. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: Style/appearance
Kickback/bribe
Recommended by salesperson
Speed/maneuverability
Comfort/convenience
McDonnell Douglas reputation
Advanced Weapons Systems
Price/value
Backroom politics
Negative experience opposing one in combat
6. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used: North America
Central/South America
Aircraft carrier
Europe
Middle East
Africa
Asia/Far East
Misc. Third World countries
Classified
7. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
Own Intend to purchase
Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer Satellite
CD Player
Air-to-Air Missiles
Space Shuttle
Home Computer
Nuclear Weapon
8. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
Check all that apply:
Communist/Socialist
Terrorist
Crazed
Neutral
Democratic
Dictatorship
Corrupt
Primitive/Tribal
9. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? Cash
Suitcases of cocaine
Oil revenues
Deficit spending
Personal check
Credit card
Ransom money
Traveler's check
10. Occupation
You Your spouse
Homemaker
Sales/marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle management
Eccentric billionaire
Defense Minister/general
Retired
Student
11. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
You Your Spouse
Golf
Boating/sailing
Sabotage
Running/jogging
Propaganda/disinformation
Destabilization/overthrow
Default on loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black market/smuggling
Collectibles/collections
Watching sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation/torture
Household pets
Crushing rebellions
Espionage/reconnaissance
Fashion clothing
Border disputes
Mutually Assured Destruction

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future, as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department, Military Aerospace Division, P.O. Box 800, St. Louis


mb21 by Mike Brown
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