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50F New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.  Canadians plant gardens.
40F Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians sunbathe.
35F Italian cars won't start. Canadians drive with the windows down.
32F Distilled water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.
20F Floridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats Canadians throw on a t-shirt.
15F Californians begin to evacuate the state. Canadians go swimming.
0F New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Canadians have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
-10F People in Miami cease to exist. Canadians lick flag poles to see if their tongue will stick.
-20F Californians fly away to Mexico. Canadians throw on a light jacket.
-40F Hollywood disintegrates. Canadians rent some videos.
-60F Mt. St. Helens freezes.  Canadian Girl Guides begin selling cookies door to door.
-80F Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
-100F Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
-173F Ethyl alcohol freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-297F Microbial life survives on dairy products. Canadian cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-460F ALL atomic motion stops.  Canadians start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
-500F  Hell freezes over.  The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

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