WHY NOT PHONE THE PSYCHIATRIC HELPLINE?
Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline...
- If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, please press 1, repeatedly.
- If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
- If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
- If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we trace the call.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what to do next.
- If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No-one will answer.
- If you are paranoid, the thing you are holding to your ear is armed and ready to blow.
- If you are Oedipal, your mother would like to speak with you - please stay on the line.
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