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WOMAN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.6 kg but known to vary from 40 to 200 kg
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

  • Surface usually covered with a painted film.
  • Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
  • Melts if given special treatment.
  • Bitter if incorrectly used.
  • Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
  • Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

  • Has a great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious metals.
  • Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
  • May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
  • Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
  • Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

  • Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
  • Can be a great aid in relaxation.
  • Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

  • Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
  • Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

  • Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
  • Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at
    different locations, provided specimens do not come in contact with each other.

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mb21 by Mike Brown
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