EDUCATION GONE WRONG!
This is a compilation of actual student bloopers collected
by teachers from 8th grade through college...
- Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such
that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
- Moses led the hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
- Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
- Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man
of that name.
- Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career
suffered a dramatic decline.
- In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and
threw the java.
- Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans
because they never stayed in one place for very long.
- Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped
out: "Tee hee, Brutus." Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects
by playing the fiddle to them.
- Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged
- Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while
standing on his son's head.
- Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
- It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started
smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
- The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous
only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in
Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish
was to be laid by Juliet.
- Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of
Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared,
"A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is
- Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham
Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April
14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
actor. This ruined Booth's career.
- Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his
attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world
and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took
long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827
and later died for this.
- The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted
into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a
baroness, she couldn't have any children.
- The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick
invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur
discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the
Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
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