|Men are like vacations...
they never seem to be long enough.
|Men are like computers...
hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
|Men are like coolers...
load them with beer and you can take them anywhere
|Men are like chocolate bars...
sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
|Men are like coffee...
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
|Men are like horoscopes...
they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
|Men are like plungers...
they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom
|Men are like cement....
after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
|Men are like laxatives...
they irritate the shit out of you.
|Men are like parking spots...
the good ones are already taken and what's left is handicapped
|A man is like a snowstorm....
you never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last.
|What should you give a man who has
A woman to show him how to work it.
|How does a man show he's planning
for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
|What makes men chase women they
have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that make dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
|Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors and don't work half the time.
|What's the difference between a
new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
|Why do men find it difficult to
make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
|What's the difference between men
and government bonds?
|How do you save a man from
Take your foot off his head.
|How many men does it take to
change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know, it's never happened.
|Why are men like tile floors?
If you lay 'em properly the first time you can walk all over 'em for years.
|What do you call a man with half a
|Why is it hard for women to find
men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
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