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Men are like vacations...
they never seem to be long enough.
Men are like computers...
hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like coolers...
load them with beer and you can take them anywhere
Men are like chocolate bars...
sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like coffee...
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like horoscopes...
they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like plungers...
they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom
Men are like cement....
after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Men are like laxatives...
they irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like parking spots...
the good ones are already taken and what's left is handicapped
A man is like a snowstorm....
you never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that make dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors and don't work half the time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know, it's never happened.
Why are men like tile floors?
If you lay 'em properly the first time you can walk all over 'em for years.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

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