| A fool and his money are
soon partying. |
| Money can't buy love. But
it can rent a very close imitation. |
| Eagles may soar, but
weasels aren't sucked into jet engines. |
| If at first you don't
succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. |
| A conclusion is the place
where you got tired of thinking. |
| Experience is something you
don't get until just after you need it. |
| For every action, there is
an equal and opposite criticism. |
| He who hesitates is
probably right. |
| Never do card tricks for
the group you play poker with. |
| No one is listening until
you make a mistake. |
| Success always occurs in
private, and failure in full view. |
| The hardness of the butter
is proportional to the softness of the bread. |
| To steal ideas from one
person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. |
| To succeed in politics, it
is often necessary to rise above your principles |
| Two wrongs are only the
beginning |
| You never really learn to
swear until you learn to drive |
| The problem with the gene
pool is that there is no lifeguard |
| Monday is an awful way to
spend 1/7th of your life |
| The sooner you fall behind,
the more time you'll have to catch up |
| A clear conscience is
usually the sign of a bad memory |
| If you must choose between
two evils, pick the one you've never tried before |
| Change is
inevitable....except from vending machines |
| Plan to be spontaneous
tomorrow |
| Always try to be modest.
And be damn proud of it! |
| If you think nobody cares
about you, try missing a couple of payments |
| How many of you believe in
telekinesis? Raise my hands.... |
| Drugs may lead to nowhere,
but at least it's the scenic route |
| Everybody repeat after
me....."We are all individuals." |
| Death to all fanatics! |
| Chastity is curable, if
detected early |
| Love may be blind, but
marriage is a real eye-opener |
| Bills travel through the
post at twice the speed of cheques |
| Hard work pays off in the
future. Laziness pays off now |
| Borrow money from
pessimists - they don't expect it back |
| Beware of geeks bearing
gifs |
| Half the people you know
are below average |
| 99 percent of lawyers give
the rest a bad name |
| 42.7 percent of all
statistics are made up on the spot |
| A conscience is what hurts
when all your other parts feel so good |
| and finally ... |
| If at first you don't
succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you |
