GREETINGS FROM CYBERSPACE, EARTHMEN!
We at the SIRIUS CYBERNETICS CORPORATION have a new kind of radio station to offer. For only $899.99 Arcturan GigaDollars per planetary rotation we can lease you the new low-power version of our HyperSpace Network, HyperspaceFM-lite. (We are also well into the final development stages of a budget price version called HyperspaceAM-gold).
These stations are fully staffed by our latest generation of specialist RoboJocks, all fitted with the new GPP feature (Genuine People Personality). The GPP RoboJock (TM) comes fully trained in how to appear *genuinely* interested both in the music he or she is playing and in the local community to which they are broadcasting. This exciting new development alone puts our new stations way ahead of all our competitors. But there's more!!!
For the GPP RoboJock now also comes with full multi-tasking capability, enabling it (or her) to broadcast to any number of different areas simultaneously, with all music, jingles and links coming from a central digital computer network called a DESERVER. There is even a choice of jingles: with the basic package we offer FAST, MEDIUM and SLOW.
Each station has a sophisticated management structure designed to complement the individual talents and creativity of the RoboJocks (this process is known technically as LIMITING). We also supply COMPRESSORS which automatically process the station's output to give an EXTREMELY WIDE dynamic range of around 3dB.Anyone interested should email us NOW at email@example.com
"Share and enjoy!" (with apologies to Douglas Adams)
This piece was originally posted to UseNet and subsequently published in the October 1996 issue of RadioWorks Playback magazine - fame at last!
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