| ACCOUNTANT |
someone who knows the cost of everything
and the value of nothing |
| ACTUARY |
someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane
because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. (Laurence
J. Peter) |
| AUDITOR |
someone who arrives after the battle and
stabs all the wounded |
| BANKER |
a fellow who lends you his umbrella when
the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain) |
| CONSULTANT |
someone who takes the watch off your wrist
and tells you the time |
| DIPLOMAT |
someone who can tell you to go to hell in
such a way that you will look forward to the trip |
| ECONOMIST |
an expert who will know tomorrow why the
things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today |
| EXPERT |
an individual who spends hir entire life
learning more and more about less and less until finally they know absolutely everything
about absolutely nothing. |
| LAWYER |
a person who writes a 10,000 word document
and calls it a "brief." (Franz Kafka) |
| LECTURER |
one who talks in someone else's sleep |
| MATHEMATICIAN |
is a blind man in a dark room looking for
a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin) |
| PROGRAMMER |
someone who solves a problem you didn't
know you had in a way you don't understand |
| PSYCHOLOGIST |
a man who watches everyone else when a
beautiful girl enters the room |
| SCHOOLTEACHER |
a disillusioned woman who used to think
she liked children |
| STATISTICIAN |
someone who is good with numbers, but
lacks the personality to be an accountant |
| TOPOLOGIST |
is a man who doesn't know the difference
between a coffee cup and a doughnut |
